this is ...

this is futilitystanding next to you,it's like i'm not upright.suddenly, the world disappearsand i'm totally eclipsed.i try so hard to simply exist.even my attempts go unnoticedin your shadow of my doubtbecause all anyone ever seesis you, you, you, you, you.including me.

isn't it stran...

isn't it strange?this was itjust a few months ago.we swore on clasped handsthat we were one connectedon some love wavelengthsplitting a soul in half.yet looking at us now,an outside eye could swearwe never gave a shit at all.does that thought ever pulse through your fucked up heartas you're kissing him?

tipsyyes, i dr...

tipsyyes, i drove home,and i'm a bit tipsy--there's no denying itor the awesome pleasurein ripping one-dollar bills,ranting against america,unashamedly laughing.

am i ready...

am i ready?i don't want to sleep yet.i'm afraid of waking up late{or of waking up at all)and seeing what is goingto happen tomorrow.my horoscope is promisingand i just don't wantto be let down again.here's hoping...

dream ab...

dream about youyou were more beautiful last nightthan i can ever remember you being.i can't really recall much subtext--after all, it was a sex dream.i guess we never really had sex,but you definitely put me to sleepwith the most wonderful blow jobthat i have never had, and i swooned,thinking about how much more you meantthan my last relationship blunder,as odd as it all may seem.and it certainly is.

rant"do...

rant"don't hide in you work,"she said with caring disdain.it's always the argumentof the over-privileged.maybe i should watch some tv,pop some pills, read a book,and get happy quick like you.no, i'm not too skinny, thank you.i work out for once in my life,and i find that it regulatesmy blah-blah-tonin stress levelsbetter than your bullshit.yeah, you thought i wasn't an angry person anymore, butyou just bring out the best.i'm not hiding from anything.i wish i could just sit outand let my alter-ego live for me,but it's simply not possiblebecause you make no sense at all.do you even know what you mean?i don't need to embrace myself.i'm not lost. i'm right here.and it is fucking okayto power through a bad dayor a shit month or a dead yearwith some form of progress.would you suggest i justsit at home on my assand be miserable?

same o...

same oldrolling out of bed,stretching out and groggy,planning the day ahead,and i can't help but wonder:aren't these the same goalsi overcame already yesterdayand every other morning before?as i fumble for my coffee.

gift of ...

gift of hopeafter all the yellow lights,eyelashes, pennies into pools,horoscopes, salted shoulders, head-flipped coins, magic-8 balls,lucky charms and fortune cookies,and prayers to someone up there,i am still discontent, yet i expectevery day tomorrow will change and i'll wake on a happy cloudwith all my dreams intactand a detailed map of howto make them come alive.ah, humanity.

closureit's 2007...

closureit's 2007 now. and you're still silent.all my anticipations haven't mattered a bit.and i guess i just wanteda chance to wish you well.and give you that hug i promisedin october.

closureit's 2007...

closureit's 2007 now. and you're still silent.all my anticipations haven't mattered a bit.and i guess i just wanteda chance to wish you well.and give you that hug i promisedin october.

empty armsit seems...

empty armsit seems tonightmy phone will stay silentas i write myself to sleep.tomorrow i will wakewithout you here.it still surprises me.next month i'll be out east,yet with 3,000 miles between us, i'll still expect youor a goodbye.

getting over...

getting over iti really do hate poetry.but there's something almost cleansingin it: like an art bath to wash awaythe reality of our baggage.i bled all over it anywaywhen i poured my heart outand you shrugged.

golden gateit was...

golden gateit was way too late,but there we weredriving and drummingon the dash over the bay.and we pulled around,stopped the car,and stole the viewas the music blasted.and we rejoiced.